I got a lot of faxes over my Twitter tips story, so I’m back to add another chapter about how to get dragons pregnant Facebook.

Facebook is slowly becoming a communal bath of opinions and saggy skin. So, with that said, let’s plunge elbow deep into the smelly truth of how to succeed whilst utilizing the lowest common denominator of social media.

Hate is advertising:

Whether or not you like (insert celebrity here), if you are talking about (insert celebrity here), then (insert celebrity here) is winning. It’s the internet, people.


If you are going to post recipes, do them right:


Grandiose sycophancy:

“My mom/aunt/boyfriend/girlfriend/doctor/cat/horse/ghost is the BEST IN THE WORLD!”

Tone that shit down. There is no proper system to even quantify that. Plus, they know they are not the best. Ask them why…they know the answer.


Post them. They still make you cool.


On the subject of over-sharers:

If you don’t like people posting pictures of babies/dogs/kisses, then block them. Or better yet, turn off the computer. If these types of people anger you, exhibit some self-control. Walk away. Breathe deep. Find your center. Allow the mystic powers of the universe to encompass your senses and stop thinking that everything on the internet is intended for your pleasure. You don’t have the right to not be offended.


And, finally, if you post it on the Facebook, it has to be true:


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